Learning to Listen!!!

Pushing a little too hard?  I truly think I am......Colin had a terrible meltdown yesterday at speech therapy and I about lost it.  I felt so bad for that little guy and it broke my heart to see the scared look on his face and say "Mom" when I had to leave the room, that I was in tears heading back to the waiting area.  I knew it was going to be bad and I was right.....His anxiety right now, is hard and to be separated from me in a new place, is bad.  I'm trying to do what everyone keeps telling me and forcing him to do things out of his comfort zone to learn to be away from me, but it's not working and he gets so scared that he loses it.....Anyway, he had enough and by the time Erin got me, he vomited and was a complete mess!  Everyone was staring at me, as I held my son in my arms trying to comfort him was terrible, then to have him throw up all over me standing in the lobby, while I tried to talk w/ his therapist was awful to say the least!   I'm learning that some adults, just don't get it.  I saw a women snicker and roll her eyes to her friend, as if to say, "Get a hold of your son" and it took all I had to not say anything......So, I left there in tears feeling defeated and challenged, just not sure what I'm supposed to do???  I hear from so many people "oh do this, do that" and I'm trying, but I know my son and I can see in his eyes that he is scared, but yet I still do it....What kind of mother am I?  Well, let me just tell you, "NO MORE"!  I'm prepared now to tell people to back off, we've got this and working with him.  We have a home based program going with the Brain Balance center and it's doing great things, so we're continuing with that and will use the facility in about a year and there, they will be able to do whatever it is he needs.  I'm tired of trying to please everyone when I know, in my heart, what is right; however, I still feel the need to listen??? Why????  I keep hearing "Early Intervention, Early Intervention" and it hits me that maybe a little more will do the trick, but honestly, it doesn't.....it's too much and I see it now!  So, last night, Brenton and I made each other a promise and that is to raise our son the best we can, do the things "WE" feel best for him, and not to push too many things.  Colin is coming along and I/we need to just let him grow and adapt to his surroundings, when he is ready.....This morning for example.....I sat his jelly toast on the island, pulled out his chair, patted the seat, and said "you need to sit and eat".  Before I knew it, he climbed up in the chair by himself and said "sit"....OMG did I just hear that? I turned around and said "what did you say" and he said it again, again, and again!!!  My little blessing, is truly that and this mama is taking things in stride and learning to listen to my gut a little better.....I was told once, "You are Colin's voice and when you don't feel something is right, stop it, you know, you're his mother and never underestimate that"!!!!  We are so lucky to have this little guy, because boy are we learning so much about life every single day.....He truly completes our family!!!!

I "SIT" Mommy all by myself =)

our blessings are such buddies 

School Picture

What a little ham he is.....it's official, he's growing up, and from this point forward we will have "school" pictures to prove it!!!!

Life As We Know It!

So far, this week, has been a good one......Ethan is doing much better at school this week, he is getting bones again (YAY) and Colin, had a great day at speech on Monday.  Overall, things seem to be looking up for the week and I couldn't be happier.  Tuesday, my dad stopped in and we headed over to McDonald's for lunch.....Colin got to play, have nuggets, and I got to enjoy my iced tea.  Moments like that, I get to see first hand and I'm amazed how God works, b/c I was so frustrated at Colin that morning and my dad stopping at that given moment unannounced, helped me to refocus and take a look at the situation.....Realizing, that the world I see, is quite different than how Colin sees it.  Colin, is not a pleaser and he WILL NOT do something just because I want him to......he, is in charge (for the most part) and I know it right now, but sometimes I just want to scream at his stubbornness....LOL!!  I'm truly hoping that with the speech therapy, we can start communicating better with one another and I won't have to "guess" so much!  I love that little guy so very much and he holds a very special place in his mama's heart, but I think that's where my frustration lies to be quite honest, is not knowing right away what he needs and then his frustration comes, b/c I don't know right away....hahaha!!!  Now, I say this, but also know he now is listening better, focusing on you & what you say, and will do little commands so honestly, he's truly a 3 year old and has the best of his Mommy & Daddy.....POOR KID!!! Anyway, like I said my dad was the answer to a prayer and he got us away for a little while and I got a chance to regroup.  Unfortunately though, about 10 other parents had the same idea as we did, b/c that play place was jam packed and Colin was getting run over...didn't seem to phase him any, b/c when it would happen, he'd just come to the table to eat another nugget, and then back to his area he likes to play in.  Too many kids though and after he finished eating, we left......got back home and had a much better afternoon.....

Horton always brings a smile =)

Whoever would've thought, this would feel normal to him?  Never even thought about trying it this way, but Daddy knew and this little boy has now become fond of the potty.....YAY, now to start hardcore....

I finally have done it and went through all the boy's old clothes......WOW, I got pretty emotional with that, but realized very quickly there is no sense in keeping them.  It's time to "pay it forward" and start cleaning out stuff, we are jammed backed in our little mediocre home, so they had to go.....I thought about selling them at the 2nd hand store, but you know, my boss just had a little boy and could use them, so loaded up my car and took them to the office.  I love having our boys, I can't imagine being blessed w/ a third and taking a chance of it being a girl!!!! I have no clue what is in the plans for our future, but Brenton and I, are really content w/ life at this given moment......so, why rock the boat, hahaha!!!

Thankful!!!

Brenton and I were talking this morning and you know, we take great pride in working hard to provide for our boys.....not just the needs, but the wants, as well!  There is not 1 thing our boys go without, they have everything, but today we knew it was time to start teaching Ethan what it means to be grateful and thankful!!!  So, we talked with him and started talking about what he was "thankful" for and the first thing he said, my family!  We smiled and then told him about our new tradition for Thanksgiving and that is our "Thankful Tree"! Ethan was excited about it, so I went outside found a cute branch from the backyard, brought it inside, put in into a cute vase, and Ethan found the perfect spot for it.  A place where it can be seen every day!  Our next step was to make leaves, cut them out, put a hole into them to hang from the branch, and let Ethan write what he was thankful for.....This project turned out better than I had hoped and opened a door for conversation with him about being thankful for stuff.  He's 5, so it was on his level, but overall it turned out great.  We are excited to see how our tree looks come Thanksgiving!  I'm already thinking about a scrap page to include the leaves, so they won't be thrown out, they will be added to his scrap book each year and when Colin is old enough to take part, he too will get a page in his book w/ his leaves.  I LOVE tradition and so glad we now have one for the Thanksgiving season!

our blank canvas, before leaves

 

adding his leaf

 

Family

 

with our first leaf added

 

 

Boys will be Boys!!!

Yay, it's the weekend and the boys and I live for our Saturday mornings!  There is nothing like waking up w/ no where to go and nothing to do, but enjoy the day together.....Brenton will be done w/ the country club soon, man I can't wait, so Daddy will be able to join in on our weekend morning fun! 

Looking back on the past couple of days, Ethan had a rough Thursday & Friday at school.  I say rough, but for him, it doesn't even phase him it seems.  We started doing an activity w/ him (Miss Bowden's idea) that he will get bones and the more bones he gets, the more prizes he gets.  Well Thursday & Friday were bad.  Thursday NO bones and yesterday, 1!  Thursday, it was from the moment he walked in the door, I guess?  Anyway, he wouldn't listen, touching kids, talking, and pushed a boy down at recess b/c "he was looking for a fight"....OMG, inside I was laughing, b/c when I heard the story, it was true the little boy wouldn't leave him alone, kept throwing the rubber mulch at Ethan, and when Ethan told him to stop, he still continued.....so Ethan pushed him down!  Anyway, we had a conversation that he goes to the teacher in situations like this, and pushing is never the answer!!!  Friday, well that wasn't as bad as Thursday, but he still only got 1 bone!  Anyway, again talking, not listening, but this time the and a friend were throwing corn at lunch and I guess it was everywhere....Miss Bowden, was really disappointed and he had to sit at the "thinking table"....he didn't care for that!  In the grand scheme of things, I realize this is little and "boys will be boys" but honestly, he knows better!  We are working on it though and hopefully next week will be better?

this is the "bone" system!!! Week 1

Also this week we started something new and that was dropping Ethan off at school via, the car line!  He absolutely loved it and enjoys feeling like a "big kid"!!!!  Little does he know though, even though it seems like I drive away after he gets out, I actually just pull up and watch him in!  Trying my hardest to let him grow up, but I'm not ready to pull all the strings, yet!  I mean it was just 3 months ago that he needed me to hold his hand and walk him into his class!  Then a month later, we started parking the car and walking him to the front porch, to now the car line and I'm just supposed to drive away.....UGH, truly I wasn't ready, but he was and I knew Monday I had to let him try it!   I will always give him the space he needs to grow, even if it means, I have to figure out a way for him not to see me in the background.  =)  What can I say, I'm a mom and it's hard to let go!!!  Didn't I just bundle him up to come home for the first time!!!  Wow, 5 years has gone too fast!!!

growing up too fast!!

I've been dealing with a few emotions the past couple of months trying to make sure we are doing the best for Colin, ever since we had to change sitters for him 3 months ago....My feelings being faced w/ that sudden change was I didn't want family watching him while I worked, b/c I didn't want anyone to feel "obligated" to do it!  I felt, at the time, someone outside the family would be best to move forward with, but God just wasn't steering us that way and actually showed us that family was the "perfect" answer after all!!!!...We see big differences in Colin every single day! Anyway, yesterday, my sister Amanda sent me a picture and it was the clarity I needed......instantly, I knew Colin was right where he needed to be!!!  Blessings really do come disguised sometimes and I thank God for such a loving family to help us raise him!

Colin + Jamisyn = Buddies

Our Future!!!!

I didn't get a chance to blog, since our Parent/Teacher conference on Monday and I wanted to make sure I got it done....just so when Ethan sees this one day, he'll know what happened on his 1st ever conference. =)  Anyway, we were to meet with Miss Bowden on Thursday, but through emails, she had asked if we'd be able to meet another day to have more time.  It wasn't bad on Ethan's part, she just knew that Brenton and I are "concerned" parents and "on it" with Ethan that she wanted to make sure we got adequate time to ask our questions and learn.  So, we jumped on the idea and met with her Monday night (11/5/12) at 5:00pm at the school.  It was neat to walk into his classroom, sit at the little table and chairs that he sits in, and to view everything he does on a daily basis.  To see the room come to life, b/c I've heard so much about it at home from Ethan.  Everything started to make sense when I was sitting there looking around and realizing that everything I've been seeing on "his" white board, the way he sets up "his" classroom here at home, to the way he teaches "his" class has all come from "his" view of how Miss Bowden runs her classroom.  I smiled as I looked around and told Miss Bowden, "this all makes sense now" and she said "what does?"...and I said, "your classroom" she looked at me a little puzzled and I told her that Ethan plays school at home and when he does, it's set up and things are done EXACTLY the way they are done here.  She smiled and giggled!!!  Ethan absolutely loves Miss Bowden, Mr. Davis (Title Reading teacher), and Mrs. Grahams (Speech Intervention) and these people are impacting this little boys life!  I was so sure this summer that he "wasn't" ready for school, that he needed "another" year to prepare and boy, Monday night, proved me wrong!!! The proof was in the pudding and we got his "journal" to prove it, too!!! He was ready and needed to go....I mean, he's not perfect by no means and we have things to work on....but, overall, he is right on track with where he needs to be and above on some things, as well!!!  He's a typical boy in all sense of the word, but a "Sweet Kid" from what Miss Bowden said.....I knew that, I've always known that!!!  Monday, even started us "dropping" him off in the car line, so he can walk into school (I watch him ofcourse, until he gets into the door), but wow, started out holding my hand and not letting go until he had to, to walking in by himself.....he's growing up and we are so proud of him!!! We love you Ethan and your first 9 weeks of Kindergarten, have been great!!!  Great job Buddy!!!

Today, Colin and I, had alot of running to do.....our morning's always start with getting Ethan to school, but then after that, begins our time together.  Today, I was sort of disappointed, b/c I didn't get adequate time to spend with just him.....However, I had things I had to get done.....1) Get Katee to groomer 2) Vote (Obama/Romney) 3) Get laundry & dinner done 4) Get furnace fixed....so, I had to improvise, but he got time to play with his cousin Karrington.....Karrington, just loves "Buddy" and those two are funny to watch.....Colin, who could careless about playing with her and Karrington, who wants nothing more than to have Buddy do so, is hysterical!!!  He's slowly coming around, but every time I smile when I see them interact!  She was my saving grace today....Miss Karrington!  This past year has played heavy on my heart and I find myself over compensating trying to make sure I do "exactly" what I need to do, and find, I fall short!  I get upset with myself feel I'm failing Colin, but then to remind myself that this is a journey and not a "quick" fix, if you will!  I'm not sure what we are faced with Colin, I know in my heart things are different (compared to other children his age) and all I really know to do, is pray for him!  I pray that no matter what the outcome may be, that this little boy knows just how much he is loved and that Brenton and I do everything in our power to make his life a joy......I pray God gives us the strength, courage, and wisdom to give him the life that he deserves!!!  Colin is a true blessing and I thank God everyday for him!!!  So, Colin when you read this one day....know that I'm not crazy, but that I love you so much, I just want to make sure we do everything we can to give you a great life..... =)

Well, on another note while I'm blogging, the presidential count has come in from the election tonight and President Obama, has been re-elected!!!!  Not sure how I feel about that, but being a true independent and not a huge political person, I pray for our future and our boy's future....I will admit, I'm concerned with a few things, but hopefully I will be proved wrong?!?!  Anyway, I understand my human responsibility, but overall ultimately I know who is truly in charge and with that....Good Night!!!!

Fresh Perspective!!!

This week has been a good one for us....We enjoyed Halloween and all the festivites with that.  Saturday, brought us another opportunity for the boys to use some other costumes and enjoy another round of trick-or-treat with their cousins....While Brenton headed off with his buddies to watch Hoover play, the boys and I headed down to my sister's to have some more fun.  As you can see in the picture, Colin was upset with me (he hated the headband) but he had to have it to complete the costume and for the most part, he was a happy boy.  Due to his allergy, he just rode around on his trike (didn't even phase him, he had fun), but did get his favorite snack when we got back.....chips!

"Jake" from Jake and the Neverland Pirates

Hulk

Round 2 fun

They had such a great time that they got home and both went right to bed =)  Sunday, came and we got an extra hour of sleep, so it was nice and we got ready to head off to church.  Brenton and I have been longing for a church "home" and I do believe after yesterday, we found it.  I've been wanting a church with programs, bible school, and fun stuff for the boys.  Ethan has been begging to head back to his "Bible School" so we did.....it turned out really well and I'm excited.  Ethan got his Christmas program stuff and he listens and sings his heart out.  I'm excited for this new journey God has brought into our lives, I feel we found a place that will build us and help us be the what we were meant to be for God.....man, I'm so excited!!!!

Trick-or-Treat....Smell my Feet!!!!

Halloween was a fun time for us this year.....believe it or not, probably our best one yet!  The boys were into it and had a great time!  Colin, had fun, even!!!  He was tired, b/c we had to wake him up from falling asleep an hour before, but I was really surprised that we didn't have to deal with meltdowns.  He got the best seat in the house, his trike!  He's too heavy to be carrying around and this year for his birthday, he got the perfect gift, so we utilized it that way it would save our backs and make it fun for him.  He didn't walk around and go door to door, but Daddy would take him up to the doors.  He doesn't care for candy, but for the experience and fun, we knew he had to do it. ☺  Ethan, had a fantastic time and enjoyed every ounce of running to the various houses on our street.....he would look for the lights and scream, there's another one.  It was cute to see his excitement waiting for the door to open, you'd hear "trick-or-treat" and then "thank you"!!! LOL! This year our boys were "Batman" (Ethan) and "Super Why" (Colin)....Ethan, was supposed to be Hulk, but decided last minute he wanted to be Batman!  We had 5 costumes: Hulk, Batman, Robin, Power Ranger, and Spiderman and after much thought, he chose Batman.....We went around our neighborhood, but then Daddy got the car, since it was cold and misting rain and we headed over to Uncle Dave and Aunt Shala's house.  They called and said they had a "treat" for the boys, so we stopped over and visited. The boys loved it!!!!  Then our last stop for the night, was Grandma Becky's shop!  Grandma had treats, too and she was excited to see them.  We had a fun night and even though the weather wasn't the greatest, so glad our "Super Heros" were able to have a great time!!!

Never Fear!!!

"Who's got the Power"

ready to hit the street

getting some goodies