Our Luck Changed....

The past couple of years has played a key role in my relationship with my husband.....knowing there is something beyond us that has entered our life and knowing there are more people that are needed to help, has really taken a toll!  However, we discovered very early on, that we needed to make sure to not lose track of each other along the way and let me tell you....we've tried our hardest to make sure to always have each other first!  I love knowing that our love goes pretty deep and even though it's not perfect, it's a great feeling knowing that I have such a great support system that I get to lay down next to every night!  I love him dearly and can't imagine my life without him.....believe me, I've tried it and I didn't get very far!  LOL!!!  We've been having "dates" and enjoying time together without the boys, for awhile now, since they are willing and able to go to people's houses and lately it seems to be happening a bit more....which has been nice!  Anyway, we tried last month to go to the OSU/Wisconsin game, but Ethan had his own football stuff going on and we couldn't make it....so, we figured getting down to a game probably wouldn't be happening this year!  Our luck changed last week though, when we got the opportunity to have tickets to the OSU/Indiana game and we jumped on it!  We had the best day Saturday...it was freezing cold, but it was perfect football weather!  We made new memories this time and just had a great day....so very glad it worked out to be able to be at the game!  Here are some pics from our fun!!!

pre-game Freeze

he was in his glory

we were so close to Brutus!!!

even closer to TBDBITL

we were right there cheering them on as they headed into the skull session

there they are right in front of us

I mean really, so close I got to touch them

the atmosphere was crazy (sorry for the sun)

we ran to the other side to greet them on their way to the locker room.....I gave 5 to Urban, the team, and staff....too fricken cool =)

running into Kylie was the best...I was hoping to see her!

freezing our butts off, but we're at the Shoe!!

Picture's It Is!!!!

The past few weeks have been filled with random stuff at our house....from cookie baking, a sweet treat from our dear friend "Chippey" the Elf, date days, horse back riding, and a few other things.....since pictures can speak for themselves....this post is from our last few weeks =)

say Cheese =)

day off from school = work day w/ Mommy

YAY, I win!!!

sliding down the steps together =)

1st snow of the year = Hot Chocolate after playing in it

our thankful tree is getting full

I have a hard time taking him to his bed

finally found a shelf I like

our surprise from Chippey

Santa sent a letter and we got a nice surprise from our Elf

he conquered the riding helmet...YAY!!

making cookies together

our little baker

Gingerbread Cookie's are Ethan's favorite

ABC's on the potty....why not?! =)

Grandma's neck pillow is the best

No Fool Here!!!

Ok, so I use this blog to tell the stories of my family and my hope is that one day my boys will read this and know that these moments have taken place in our lives, how we felt during them, but most of all I want them to know how much I love them and will go to the moon and back for them.....so, this post is basically a "vent" session for me b/c I need to release some feelings and I don't want to forget how I felt at this moment all because...it is part of the journey!!!

Anyway, life has been coming full force here lately and not that it's not good, it's just been a lot!  From 1st grade math, fundraisers, doctor appointments, to preschool evaluations!  I mean all over the fricken charts to be quite honest!!  LOL!  Life, well our life, by no means is slowing down and I had honestly had some preconceived notions that it would, once we made our move to a simpler community!  Well, guess what...not happening! =)  Oh well, I'm learning to prepare better, but most importantly expect nothing to go according to plan!! The past 3 weeks have been, for a lack of better words...hard, emotionally hard and that has taken the biggest toll on me!  As Ethan has put it, I'm being very "mean" lately and that's just not me, I'm on edge, and can't seem to keep the tears away?!?!  I hate it, I hate that I'm letting people, professional people, dictate to me and making me feel like I'm an idiot.....WHEN, I'm the one that knows my son the best!  People play me for a fool and let me tell ya, I'm not that!  I'm not a brain by no means, but I do know how to find things out and have a good read on people! However, I also, step back when I need to and let those professionals do what they need to do when the time is needed, but these past two weeks, my patience has been shot!  I might not be his doctor, his nurse, his teacher, his psychologist, but let me tell you what I am and that is his MOTHER!  Have I been a protector the past couple of years, hell yes I have and for good reason.....This road isn't easy, it's not fun, and by no means is it something I had planned!  I have "learned" to take things in stride, to embrace every moment, and to let that little boy that I know is in there come out in his own time!  I can't get over how much "testing" is involved, but it's not so much the testing that frustrates me, b/c truly I'm ready for some answers, it's the fact that the people whom we have to come in contact with to get the results we need think of me as "just the mother"!  I get they have gone to school, have the education to back up the science, but let me tell you what they don't have and that is "time" with my son to get the answers they need!  I mean I'm sure you can tell a lot about a child in 45 minutes by making check marks by the questions that are already thought up, right?  I'm confused by the fact of cookie cutter!  Every child is different, so how can there be cookie cutter?  Through this whole journey, I think that's what I'm so frustrated about it's these people, whom I have to work with & trust, but look at me like I have 6 eyeballs when I talk!  Honestly, 2 weeks ago we were in Akron Children's hospital and I tell them in the very beginning how the IV had to be done (only because we experienced it at Aultman) and they look at me and do none of it, so we have to leave w/o the procedure done or how about yesterday, when a director of a local facility calls to ask me questions about helping my son in preschool, but yet asks me the same question that was asked 3 weeks ago, that I said NO to at that time, but thought if it came from the "director" I might change my mind?  Seriously???  The decisions we are making aren't because we are afraid or that we aren't willing to try new things, but it's because we have tried and they didn't work!  So, no, I'm not willing to make your job easy at the expense of my son...sorry, not going to happen!  I think the worst thing that these types of folks can do, is just think of me as his mother!!!  This mother, is a researcher by nature, I don't take things w/ a grain of salt, and I certainly don't see people only from their title!  I received the best advice a year ago and that was, "you will become a fighter"!  Well, let me tell ya, I feel like fricken Mike Tyson at times and it exhausts me!  I'm not in a position to figure this thing out, it's beyond me, and are their issues, yes....is it autism?  I have no clue, he has 5 of the characteristics out of a total of 12...and the people that know him best are unsure, too!  Is there something, yes...we are perfectly aware of that part....how about sensory processing disorder??? Never has that been mentioned, but let me tell ya, I've been researching it and it will be brought up!  At this point, lots of questions are up in the air, but time will tell and the results will come in (a day I'm longing for) I'm praying for no more roadblocks, so we can finally get the paper and move on! I'm not afraid of the answers, whatever they are, will never change the love I have for my little boy.  It'll only give us the backing we need, to help him along to succeed! Colin, has been a blessing to me, our family and has certainly given us the ability to stand up for what we believe in!  I've got some pretty thick skin, but this journey has made it much thicker and my backbone, well let me say this....now, is not a time to contact me and expect me to give in to what you want done w/ my son!  I might only be his mother, but this mother has been up all hours of the night taking notes, researching new diets, getting ideas to help his growth, and by all means learning what is above and beyond the "options" that are given by the professionals!  You know, people have no clue what it's like and unless you have walked in the footsteps of the folks that are living it, learn to be considerate! I'm not here to be your enemy or make this progress rough, I want to be a team player and set goals for Colin, so we can watch him grow!  I'm not backing down though, so I will continue to be his voice during this journey.....those who want to ride along, hop in; however, don't be offended if "this mother" opens the door and boots your ass out....just means you're not going to continue on the journey w/ us!  I'm an advocate for my son & will settle for nothing but the best!

Colin, one day when you read this, know that Mommy loves you and Daddy & I are doing the best we can.....time is making us stronger, smarter, and giving us the power to do what it takes for you! We love you buddy and one day, when we look back on this moment in time together, please know that Mommy took the word "fighter" and ran with it....for your sake!

Just another "typical" day!!! ;)

Friday was such a crazy day and one I was dreading.....you see, in the 4 years of his little life, Colin has had something.....something that involved needles, testing, doctor's, nurse's...scary stuff, well in the eyes of a toddler that is!!!  Colin hasn't had a year that has just been a year of "being a kid" and I feel so bad for that, but I also know he will probably never remember any of it.....or at least I hope!!!  The unfortunate part, being 4, means this is the most important year for all the results that we are needing for his future!  SO, we have to go through it......Colin, has learned the buildings, the doors, the color of the rooms and even the parking lots of the "scary" places where all of this stuff takes place and Friday, was no different for his reaction the instant we made the last right turn into the parking lot of Akron Children's Hospital!!!  Poor little guy was instantly scared and as we parked the car, got out, and made our way to the 3rd floor registration there were full blown crocodile tears coming down his face and a death grip on his daddy!  I hate it, absolutely hate that we have to do these things, but I know it has to be done to get the answers we need to help him!!!!  As we made it to the stairs, because he doesn't do elevators, I took a deep breath and just hoped everything would go ok?!?!  However, the realization that the morning wasn't going to provide the answers we needed came when the nurse got me from the waiting room and said these words "Well, mom I need you to come back, because we couldn't get the IV at bedside and had to send him back to the big dogs in anesthesia"!!!  The tears quickly filled my eyes, because holy cow we were at Akron Children's Hospital and they couldn't get the IV......but, ok I regained my composure and sat to wait with the audiologist.  As we waited, I started asking questions, talking about Colin, and trying my hardest not to imagine the pain my little guy was enduring and at that moment she came again.....the nurse to give me the news that not even the "big dogs" could get the IV, even with longer needles and in his feet this time!!!  WOW!!!!  Her next words, I'll never forget and those were, "We need you to come back, because he is calling for his mama and daddy said it's enough"....so, she lead me down a couple halls and there he was in his daddy's arms, crying, and when he saw me said, "My mama" and instantly my eyes filled with tears as I grabbed my little boy and tried my hardest to make him feel safe and through his tears he looked right at me and said, "I alright"!!!  OMG, I lost it, as I knew he was hurting and his poor hands and feet were slowly bruising and as we talked to the nurse to come up w/ a new game plan here came another nurse with a dinosaur, juice boxes, and a sippy cup...they too were upset, since the 6 attempts didn't work!!!  Earlier that morning he got a new monkey from the registration office, so he was getting loved from everyone and all sorts of new toys for everything he endured...he's a champ, is all I have to say!!!  The staff we worked with that morning were great, regardless of the results, but they fell in love w/ Colin and were in tears themselves, but it was the anesthesiologist who said it best "It's just how God made him, he made him with tough veins and it's the fault of no one, but we'll know better next time" and with a kiss on Colin's forehead he left the area and so did we!  I will be honest and say I was disappointed, only because I'm ready to move forward, but it's just another step in the journey.....because through this whole thing, I'm learning patience and realizing NOTHING ever goes as planned!!!  Who would've thought though being inside a "children's" hospital that the procedure could not be completed....even the audiologist was shocked her exact words, "In the 20 years I've been here doing this, I've never had a patient that they couldn't get" and hearing that I had to chuckle, because it's so typical for us anyway....our life is nothing but NON typical and we have Colin to thank for that.....this little boy has made our life so meaningful, full of joy and learning with every step patience...but most of all learning to trust the God who blessed us with him more than we ever had before!!!  I'm learning to "walk in faith" and "trust in the Lord" through every part of this journey, because as "scary" as it is at times....I know, we'll get there no matter how long it takes!!!  =)

not a happy camper

got a new friend at registration

if I close my ears, maybe this will all go away??

warming up and almost time to start the IV

ready to go home

rough morning...wore him out!!!

Really???

This year marked a time in our life that I personally was not ready for.....I knew it would come, but wow, how quickly it has!!!!  I was very content with our life, loved having my boys under my thumb and knowing everything they did in a day.....however, last year that changed when Ethan started kindergarten and this year, we decided to get Colin into a local preschool program!!!! I'm not a mother who enjoys sending my boys off to places where I have to be at the mercy of other adults and other children that I don't know.....honestly, I'm really struggling with the fact this part of life is here, but I'm learning to embrace it.  If public school wasn't so demanding, Colin would still be home for the next 2 years, enjoying the days of being a kid....I feel terrible that Ethan got that, but I also realize Colin is different and needs the structure that he gets from his preschool and as much as I struggled and still struggling, he's doing amazing!!!  I get him out at the door at 7:30 am and counting down the minutes till 11:30 am when I can pick him up (not sure what I'll do when he goes to full day preschool soon??) but then we wait patiently till 3:30 pm when Ethan gets home.....It's a process in life that I know everyone goes through, but I really don't like it, hahaha!!!  Oh well, I know it's a matter I can't control, so we go with it and make the most of it!!!  I over heard a mother yesterday at Ethan's Halloween party say, "I got 2 off to school and now have 3 more, YAY" really????  Where's my YAY at, because I haven't got that feeling yet =/  I'm learning to keep myself busy, working part-time sure helps with that, but I've also decided that taking part of their events keeps me involved more and that is helping me, too!!!  My "career" is my family and I love what Brenton and I have, so I'm getting used to the fact that my little guys are growing up and changing the dynamic of our life with each passing year!!!  This year, we are experiencing 1st grade and Preschool, so as this continues we will make the most of it and as my boys grow, I smile and know that as much as I hate it, they are loving it and what more could I ask for!!

our happy 1st grader w/ his class

look at that smile =)

Ethan's school party was yesterday and what fun he had!  They go all out for Halloween and I loved the fact that the kids were allowed to dress up in costume.  He chose to be the Man of Steel and he was so excited to show off his costume!  It was really neat how they displayed the costumes and that was w/ the high school marching band leading a parade around the school.....so fun!!!!  I was excited to, because I got to be a room mom and help with the class party...my job was helping with the craft and it was a cute one!  Overall, it was a fun afternoon and one I was so glad to be a part of! 

here comes the parade

ofcourse my son would be holding hands with a little girl!!! =)

LOL

FrankenEthan = school party craft