Ready or Not....Here we GO!!!!

     I can't even begin to tell you how much these words are driving me crazy this year.....back-to-school!!!!  Oh my, I've been an emotional mess for like 3 weeks now.....Why?  I really have no idea, because I know everything is going to work out and be fine, but I'm on overload at the moment w/ all these "new" things going on in our life!!!!  My main concern, is going directly to Colin.....I know he's going to be fine, but man, I'm so anxious about this whole transition with him.  I know he needs the structure, the educational step forward, and getting away from me; however, it doesn't make it any easier!  I know I have to learn to relax with him and I think that's why I'm finally ready to make the next step.....I've struggled so much with the "label" but I'm realizing the world isn't as friendly as I hoped it would be!!! I'm still so confused with things, so probably another reason why we are ready for this next step?!?!  I've been reading a lot lately and John Elder Robison & Temple Grandin are helping me come to a few conclusions, so my lists are starting, again (haha)!!!  When we are in our element, our own world, things are fine....it's the moment we take that step out the front door that I see people really don't understand!  Well, let me just tell ya....this mama is about to change that!  I've always had a problem with my mouth, choosing battles better as I get older, but I promise you one thing nobody will make this little guy, my little guy, feel inadequate b/c of his differences!  Aren't we all a tad different, have our own quirks, and our own likes???  So, that's where my anxiety has been these past few weeks, trying to make sure I have every duck in the row properly for him; however, I'm also realizing as hard as the world is, I can't possibly do it all!  It's going to be hard, but I will do my best to make sure the path isn't so bumpy!!!!  Truly, I've been driving myself to tears trying my hardest to do so, but, I find the best thing I can do....is pray!  Ethan had to learn a very hard lesson a few weeks ago when a negative comment was made about his brother, so I think that's when it all hit me and through a few tears with him about it we concluded that it's just because people don't understand and Ethan concluded that being a big "protective" brother is what he needs to be....there's no doubt in my mind that he will fulfill that role very well!  Ethan, as hurt as he was, realized that in situations like that being the "big" brother, is A-OK!!!  Valuable lesson learned!!!! ;)
     Another concern, is Ethan and starting his new school, riding a school bus, making new friends, and being able to grow to be where he needs to be for 1st grade.  I've tried this summer to keep him focused, but I've learned that curriculum's are changing, so I've had to change my plan and honestly I heard these words "let them be little" and I really pondered it!!!  So, strict mommy is letting go of the reigns a bit and we will just work hard when school gets here!!! Just stinks that life is coming and going so quickly....makes me sad, but on the other hand....life is getting easier, too!!!  I guess overall, it's just a bittersweet thing going on with me and knowing that things are out of my control with both boys now with certain things and having to "trust" people that I truly don't know....UGH!!! It's a step I knew was coming, but maybe not ready for?  Either way, it's happening, so ready or not here we go....LOL!!!
     My final thought, is for Brenton.....My husband, is a wonderful provider, husband, and daddy!  He doesn't take those responsibilities lightly, either!  He works hard, doing 2 jobs for us and yet, comes home to sometimes a "bitchy" wife ready to explode and he handles it all with grace!  This past week, his hard work paid off and he got noticed at his primary job....beat out 14 guys for a new position and now his training begins.  I sure love that man and everything he does.....honestly, he makes my life easy, so why am I so weird lately is way beyond me, but I thank God every day he's mine!!!! =)
     So, there you have it folks....my house is doing well....my boys are great, Katee is good...she had an awesome yearly check-up & got her shots....it's me, who's losing it!! HAHAHA!!  No, truly I'm fine, figuring things out and continuing to move forward.....Can't say I'm ready for everything, but I'm hanging on and riding the roller coaster without puking....NOW, that is what I call an accomplishment (haha)!! =)