Another Year Older

It's been a crazy few weeks for me & to be quite honest, one heck of an emotional roller coaster.  In the grande scheme of things & because I've had time to think through everything, I know it's going to be ok.  Is it what I have been preparing for, no!  Is it something I have to adapt to, yes!  The best part, I'm trusting people that I know I can trust and for the 1st time....that feels great!  Anyway, in the midst of all of that going on, I had a little guy who was going to be turning 6 years old and through all of these emotions, I had to stop and smell the roses (so to speak)!  All of what is happening right now, is for him and his growth, but what I had to remember during it all is to celebrate where we are right now at this given moment in our lives and that meant, giving him an awesome 6th birthday celebration.

We had decided earlier in April to go ahead and have a celebration (of some sort) for Colin.  The only reason we were hesitant, is because he is not a traditional, all about the party, type of kid.  He doesn't do cake & candles, he hates opening presents, and he dislikes the birthday song.  So, what do you do?  Well, you adapt & that's exactly what we did.  We knew we had to keep things low-key for Colin and decided on an Open House...people coming and going, w/o all the traditional goings on worked! It worked really well, to be quite honest.  Colin had the best time on Tuesday and from the moment he woke up, I knew he was going to have a terrific day.  Seeing his eyes light up w/ the balloons at his bedroom door and hearing "Yippee" as he jumped out of bed, started the morning off right.  He had a great day at school celebrating with his friends and then when he got home, he loved seeing all the decorations and I even caught him singing to himself (the birthday song, lol)!  God, I love my boy. ;)

This kid has changed my life and throughout the day, as I was decorating our house, I couldn't help but remember where we've been and where we are today.  I cried as I put out pictures! These 6 years have truly challenged every fiber of my being, totally changed me, has given me strength I didn't know I had, but also given me the opportunity to know deep down what a mother's love can accomplish!  Yes, do we have to adjust life, sure!  Yes, our plans have to be different, but this is our life & it's our normal....not one thing would we change, either.  Colin, is our saving grace!  A blessing that I thank God for everyday! I have no idea where I'd be right now, if it wasn't for him?!?  I do know that my life would be more about material possessions and status.  The title on my business card would have a bigger impact on my life, because in my 20s that's what I wanted "things & status"!  Now, none of that matters!  I work, but my career is my family! The things that matter most to me are my guys and the memories that we make together.  Every moment is something I treasure and I never take it for granted.  I love my life!  I mean how could I not.....his smile brightens my day and to finally have him look at me and say "Love you" is absolutely priceless!  That right there, is worth every exhausting effort I put into this journey we are on.  His sweet little voice, is music to my ears! I'm so proud of him!!!  Colin, I love you so much buddy and one day when you read this, please know that because of you, my life is so much richer! You've given mommy an even bigger purpose for my life & for that, I'm grateful! I love you to heaven and back, buddy!!! Looking forward to seeing where this year takes you!

PS: He lost another tooth!  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get it either....I saw it when I was brushing his teeth, but he swallowed it!  However, the Tooth Fairy still visited him...thanks to our magic pillow. ;) This boy of mine is growing up way to quick.

#2 gone

even the Tooth Fairy adapts 

cars & suckers is what makes this boy happy

Mommy's exercise band works wonders

Colin's fav turned into a birthday treat to share at school

Daddy is way more trusting =) 

brothers

Birthday Eve fun 

Yippee he kept saying....he was ready for his birthday 

getting the house ready & his 6 month old collage made me cry

the house all "BUCK"ified for his celebration

His gift from us 

Birthday Celebration fun...he had the best day, loved watching him & yes, those 2 critters in the cage were gifts (gerbils)

he was exhausted, fell asleep w/ his new light

Finally

Weekends seem to come and go so quickly anymore!  It seems getting to Friday is getting longer, but then Saturday and Sunday are gone and then it's Monday, again.  I wish there was a way to slow down time, but reality is, there's not!  So, we just keep going with the flow and enjoying the moments that come our way and this past weekend, we had fun.  Brenton was in his glory, because with the spring season, also comes golf season and he started back at the Country Club for yet another year Saturday.  I swear, he'll never let that go!  I've come to the realization that if it makes him happy and he enjoys it, then so will I.  Ethan, loves going to work with Daddy, so I guess in the grand scheme of things...it's a blessing. ;)  We also were able to get out to the barn, again.  Colin, absolutely loved it and boy was he a chatter box.  Seana, his therapist, was amazed at his growth in the 4 month hiatus we had from her.  Man, it was so good to be back out there.  I love that place!!  Ethan, was able to ride and he handled Cedar all on his own.  Unfortunately, Rose found a new home, but we were able to see her colt and Colin enjoyed Willow very much.  All in all, the weekend was great and getting outside to enjoy the weather to do some much needed yard work was very much welcomed at our house! Yay, it's finally SPRING!

so glad to be playing in the grass again

Daddy's helper

all on his own (blurry)

hard working boy

reward time

cleaning up the yard w/ mama

on our way to the barn

my boys

on the way to the arena

Cowboy Up

and he's off

waiting his turn

checking on the other horses

making sure Willow is doing good

Ethan's turn....all on his own

love my boys

Let the "Planning" Begin!!!

It's hard to believe that here in a little over a month, school will be done!  It's a bittersweet feeling for me, because I'm not ready for what the next chapter is and I'm not sure how to handle all the emotions that I'm feeling about it either?  The time is here!  The time that I didn't know how to get to, so many years ago. The time that I was dreading, because it's time to let go....yet again!  I've held tight to things, I've fought hard, and even though I know it's going to be ok it's still messing with my mind knowing that Colin has to face and manage this next phase pretty much on his own.  Learning to adapt to a whole new place, learning a new schedule, learning new people, and basically just learning a whole new "NEW" for himself.  It's here.....Kindergarten and the planning has begun!

OMG!!!!!  I just can't shake the nervousness that I have about it!  I know Brenton and I have fought the good fight for him, so he's prepared with the school system and has his IEP stuff done, but it's the little things that I have nightmares about.   I'm told that he won't need an aide, because we need to promote independency for him; however, cognitively he needs all the help he can get.  I know that he will have mornings with an intervention specialist, so I'm excited about that and having the 1-on-1 daily will be a huge step for his growth.  I know he's in good hands, I truly do.  I totally trust the IV Special Education team and the director is fantastic! I know my worries will all be for nothing, because they will take great care of him and help him, as much as, they can. HOWEVER, I still have this feeling in my gut and I just can't seem to make it go away. ;)

Last week, it was LIUB (Light It Up Blue) for Autism Awareness.  It was a fun day, we all wore blue, we gave blue lights to our family members, and we "tried" to turn our house blue; however, the dang street lights washed out the blue floodlights that we had.  So, next year, we'll be better prepared! LOL!!  Anyway, autism is a journey I never planned on.  One I knew absolutely nothing about, but this little "tour guide" that we've been blessed with sure has been guiding us through a wonderful journey.  Thus far, I'm so grateful for all our memories, the lessons learned, the people we've met, Colin's growth, and the closeness that it has made our family.  It hasn't been an easy ride, by no means and the journey continues, but as I stood looking at our blue porch last week it was a reminder that I'm not afraid anymore!  I'm no longer that women, holding her baby in her arms, not knowing what to do.  Knowing something was wrong, but having no clue what to do about it!  I stood there, looked up at the sky, smiled, and said "thank you, we made it.".

For some odd reason, kindergarten was the time that was stuck in my mind as a time of "holy hell how are we going to get him into school"?  A time that I had no idea how to get to?  BUT, I'm so proud of my husband and I, because man we've done everything in our power to make sure this little guy is able to do it! Will there be tears, sure!  Will there be anxiety, sure will! But, with time, he'll learn his new "new" and be able to grow, learn, play, and do all the things any other little boy can do....for that, I'm thankful!  Autism might be the label that is listed on his IEP, but Autism will NOT define him and I'll make darn sure of that!!!

Bring on Kindergarten!!! =)

our whole reason!!!

1st ever sitting and saying "cheese" for me while taking a picture =) 

This kid deserves the "Best Brother" award!  Colin's biggest fan!!!

the best we could do this year

7000 landmarks & buildings; 90 countries; 750 cities; and all 7 continents took part = AMAZING

Easter 2015

You know, the older my boys get I find that the holidays are that much more fun.  Not that they weren't when they were smaller, but the age group we are in right now, is just so darn fun.  Ethan is teetering though....I can see it in his eyes, but I refuse to let the cat out of the bag.  I'm not going to ruin it for the boys....they will know 100% when the time is right, but until then I refuse to be the one to tell them. I see no harm in letting them believe!  My mom never told me, but eventually I figured it all out and guess what, I wasn't mad at my mom or anything....instead, I respected the fact that she allowed me to figure it all out on my own.  Anyway, to each their own I guess! LOL!  For the past few years, we have made darn sure though that our boys (Colin as much as he can grasp) know the "real" reason for the holiday, whichever we are celebrating at the time and this past weekend, it was Easter.  We celebrated to the fullest, too.  We spent Good Friday doing crafts and learning about the significance of that day and then of course same for Easter.  We had a wonderful weekend & enjoyed every ounce of Easter that there was.  The Easter Bunny was very gracious to the boys and they loved their baskets that he left.  We also woke up to a house full of eggs on Saturday and we think one of EB's helpers was making last minute stops...just to make sure the boys knew that EB was almost to Gnaden....LOL!  Like I said, we enjoy having fun with our kids and making the most out of every event.  My mom told me one time that there is a small window of time that you have for Santa, Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc....so, I've made sure to make the most of these moments we are living.  I know it'll be over soon, but until then we will continue to teach our boys that Jesus is the "real" reason, but believing in Easter Bunny is just fine, too.  Hope you all had a great Easter!!!

EB left a letter in a green egg a few weeks prior...let the fun begin

Look at those eggs....Egg Hunt at school = Success!

Good Friday craft....made our very own tomb

Egg fun

woke up to a house full of eggs

Colin wasn't too interested, so Ethan found them all

Shroyer Family fun

proof that EB was here...he made our Magic Jelly Beans grow

He is Risen

my bunnies =) 

Easter Morning

Easter at G&G Bardall's

what a weekend, but these 2 loved every minute