It's hard to believe that here in a little over a month, school will be done! It's a bittersweet feeling for me, because I'm not ready for what the next chapter is and I'm not sure how to handle all the emotions that I'm feeling about it either? The time is here! The time that I didn't know how to get to, so many years ago. The time that I was dreading, because it's time to let go....yet again! I've held tight to things, I've fought hard, and even though I know it's going to be ok it's still messing with my mind knowing that Colin has to face and manage this next phase pretty much on his own. Learning to adapt to a whole new place, learning a new schedule, learning new people, and basically just learning a whole new "NEW" for himself. It's here.....Kindergarten and the planning has begun!
OMG!!!!! I just can't shake the nervousness that I have about it! I know Brenton and I have fought the good fight for him, so he's prepared with the school system and has his IEP stuff done, but it's the little things that I have nightmares about. I'm told that he won't need an aide, because we need to promote independency for him; however, cognitively he needs all the help he can get. I know that he will have mornings with an intervention specialist, so I'm excited about that and having the 1-on-1 daily will be a huge step for his growth. I know he's in good hands, I truly do. I totally trust the IV Special Education team and the director is fantastic! I know my worries will all be for nothing, because they will take great care of him and help him, as much as, they can. HOWEVER, I still have this feeling in my gut and I just can't seem to make it go away. ;)
Last week, it was LIUB (Light It Up Blue) for Autism Awareness. It was a fun day, we all wore blue, we gave blue lights to our family members, and we "tried" to turn our house blue; however, the dang street lights washed out the blue floodlights that we had. So, next year, we'll be better prepared! LOL!! Anyway, autism is a journey I never planned on. One I knew absolutely nothing about, but this little "tour guide" that we've been blessed with sure has been guiding us through a wonderful journey. Thus far, I'm so grateful for all our memories, the lessons learned, the people we've met, Colin's growth, and the closeness that it has made our family. It hasn't been an easy ride, by no means and the journey continues, but as I stood looking at our blue porch last week it was a reminder that I'm not afraid anymore! I'm no longer that women, holding her baby in her arms, not knowing what to do. Knowing something was wrong, but having no clue what to do about it! I stood there, looked up at the sky, smiled, and said "thank you, we made it.".
For some odd reason, kindergarten was the time that was stuck in my mind as a time of "holy hell how are we going to get him into school"? A time that I had no idea how to get to? BUT, I'm so proud of my husband and I, because man we've done everything in our power to make sure this little guy is able to do it! Will there be tears, sure! Will there be anxiety, sure will! But, with time, he'll learn his new "new" and be able to grow, learn, play, and do all the things any other little boy can do....for that, I'm thankful! Autism might be the label that is listed on his IEP, but Autism will NOT define him and I'll make darn sure of that!!!
Bring on Kindergarten!!! =)
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